


Pieces of You

by DillieBar



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Dani / Jamie - Freeform, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Heavy Angst, Jamie / Dani, Jamie x Dani - Freeform, Lesbian, Lesbian Sex, Lesbians, Major character death - Freeform, Sexual Content, Smut, but it ended up being smut, damie - Freeform, dani x jamie, i love these two so much, sorry not sorry lol, this was supposed to be only sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:21:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28998171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DillieBar/pseuds/DillieBar
Summary: "Eventually, after some time, you'll find little moments, little pieces of your life that remind you of her. They'll be silly and dumb, or they'll be sad and you'll cry for hours, but they'll still be a piece of her... It'll be like she's here, even though she's gone."After Dani's death, Jamie struggles to find peace in her life. Over the years, she finds the smallest things that bring back memories of their time together and tries her best to remember it fondly. But in reality, some memories are made to hurt, and some are made to heal.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	Pieces of You

Silence wasn’t something Jamie was accustomed to. Even in the night, when her wife was fast asleep in her arms, there was still the presence of small, patterned breaths that let the gardener know that she wasn’t alone. Even on their quiet nights in, she could hear the delicate sound of the blonde turning the pages of a book, or humming sweet tunes while she worked around the apartment. Before that, when she lived above the rowdy pub near Bly, the muffled clanking of beer glasses and drunken words filled the flat until the sun would rise again in the morning.

Given, Jamie hadn’t truly felt alone since she was a kid, and even then, she had Mikey. Which is why, when she turned the key to what was now only her apartment, her heart sank.

Despite the tens of healthy plants brightening up the living area, Jamie couldn’t help but acknowledge how dead the room felt. There was no sign of the au pair’s shoes by the door, which she knew were long gone at the bottom of that wretched lake. There was no warm greeting from her lover, no welcoming embrace, and no encapsulating smile. The gardener had spent thirteen years looking at that lovely woman, all for it to change quite literally overnight. The flat was simply empty, and her heart felt just the same. 

Almost robotically, Jamie pushed her exhausted body onto the couch, still clad in damp clothes from her earlier visit to the manor. Her wet hair dripped onto the couch cushions. She was sure to get the furniture wet, but she had no care in the world. She shut her eyes tight as silent tears began to well in her eyes once more, not sure who she was hiding them from, but a part of her felt ashamed, anyway. Soon it became hard to tell whether the drops rolling down her skin were from her hair or from her eyes.

The gardener stayed like that for a while, trying as hard as her brain would allow to listen for any sign of life among the flat, but an hour would pass, and then two, and the only sound she heard was her quickened, shaky breaths. Before she knew it she was asleep, tucked away in a sweet memory of what she once had.

_1988 - Bedford, England_

_“Y’know, Poppins, if you make drinks anything like you make your tea I might just need a double.”_

_Jamie heard a scoff from the kitchen in response to her sarcastic remark. Despite all the shitty customers they had to deal with, between gruff men who didn’t know what they were looking for, and old blokes who gave the couple questionable looks throughout the day, nothing could ruin their mood tonight. Not after they’d said their first “I love you”’s._

_“It’s_ wine, _not even I can mess that up.”_

_The brunette laughed as Dani made her way back to the living room, two glasses of dark red liquor in-hand, and the rest of the bottle in the other. Jamie grabbed one of the delicate glasses and brought it to her lips, eyeing her lover as she set the bottle on the coffee-table._

_“Blimey, I could drink that bottle myself,” she joked as she made room on the couch, “You aren’t playin’ around, Poppins.”_

_Dani chuckled, showing off that beautiful smile that Jamie couldn’t bear to take her eyes off of. She sat herself in-between the gardener’s legs, so that the blonde’s back was resting against Jamie’s chest. The brunette wrapped her arm around her waist, pulling her in as close as she could while Dani turned on the TV._

_Jamie had been with plenty of women. Normally it hadn’t been anything that lasted more than a week, let alone a whole year, and the only time it did was one-sided. It was odd, even to her, that each of those relationships had moved so much faster than her relationship with the au pair, yet it was the only one in which she truly felt happy. The only one where she felt safe, loved, and overall trusted. The cynical side of her also saw the irony of it, considering this was possibly the only relationship where she shouldn’t feel any of those things. Their love was a ticking time bomb with Dani’s life on the line that could go off at any given second._

_It had been a habit of Jamie’s to give into this cynical way of thinking- to numb herself completely so that the pain of the knife wouldn’t feel as deep- but the longer she spent with the blonde the more she felt herself coming alive. Each smile, each longing gaze, each word that left those beautiful lips grew her love even more. It was a dangerous game, perhaps the most dangerous one she’d ever played. Yet, she willed herself to ignore it, to focus on the present, completely give herself to someone and take the risks that came with it. They had each other, at least for the time being, and that was all that mattered to her- to either of them._

_Dani let her free hand draw gentle patterns on her girlfriend’s knee teasingly. Even after they’d taken an early lunch to give themselves some relief, they’d still been all over each other the rest of the day. They’d gotten some side-eyes and a few dirty looks, which the pair had chosen to ignore. But now they were alone, and they didn’t have to ignore anything. They could just melt into each other and give into the bliss._

_She felt the au pair slowly move a bit further up her thigh- eyes still glued to the TV- a silent plea for the gardener to give in. After a long day of small touches and tense glances from across the room, Jamie was quick to give her what she wanted, sliding her hand down to rest on top of Dani’s and bringing her lips to the shell of her ear._

_“What’s goin’ on down here?”_

_Jamie felt the blonde shudder at her words, and watched as she tilted her head up to lock eyes with her own. God, she loved her girlfriend’s eyes- one blue, one brown, and both filled with desire. She could stare into them all day if the au pair would let her. But now all she wanted were those soft, delicate lips._

_Without wasting any more time she brought them together, savoring the sweet taste of wine that lingered on her lover’s lips. Perhaps the gardener was drunk herself, but neither of them really cared. All they knew was that they wanted each other, and the growing heat between their two bodies continued to prove that each time their lips met._

_Jamie felt Dani’s tongue dart out to tease her bottom lip, begging for her girlfriend to keep going. She complied, deepening the kiss hungrily and earning herself a sweet, but desperate whimper from the blonde girl._

_“Never gonna get sick of hearin’ that.” she whispered in between breaths._

_Jamie let go of her girlfriend’s hand, bringing her own up to behind Dani’s neck and pressing them harder together. No matter how close to each other they got, they always wanted to be closer, and that definitely wasn’t going to change tonight. If anything, they were both more hot and bothered than ever._

_It wasn’t long before the au pair got tired of their position. Instead, she turned around and straddled her girlfriend’s hips, grinding needily into the girl below her and wrapping her arms behind her neck._

_Jamie pulled away, first being met with a whine of protest from the blonde, but soon being replaced by small moans of pleasure as the gardener worked on her neck and along her jaw, leaving a little trail of bruises along the way. She brought a knee up between Dani’s legs, watching as she continued her rhythmic motions and listening to every small sound that the girl elicited, though were quickly becoming louder and desperate. Jamie continued her assault on her lover’s neck as her grinding quickened, searching for some sweet release._

_She could tell Dani was getting close as her breathing became more shallow and her moans got higher in pitch, and she was determined to give her that release until something cold and wet on her back startled her and she let out a yelp._

_“Shit, sorry.” Dani apologized, pulling at Jamie’s button-up to see the new bright red stain. In the heat of the moment they’d completely forgotten about the wine they were holding- or at least the au pair did._

_Jamie laughed as she brought her girlfriend in for another lustful kiss._

_“That’s alright, Poppins,” she assured through a suggestive smirk, “Was gonna have to come off anyway.”_

_After one last kiss she grabbed the blonde’s glass of wine and set them both on the coffee table, then holding her thighs to her waist while she stood up. Dani gasped at the sudden change but quickly adjusted her legs to wrap around her girlfriend as she carried her to the bedroom. If there was one thing about Jamie that got Dani going, it would have to be her strength. Of course, Jamie knew that, and made no effort to hold back on showing it off whenever she could._

_As soon as they got to the bedroom, Jamie laid her girlfriend on the edge of the bed, keeping herself wedged between Dani’s spread legs. While just before they’d hardly wanted to wait, the gardener decided that she wanted to have a little bit of fun._

_Jamie undressed slowly, starting with the top button of her shirt and ever-so teasingly making her way down, never breaking eye contact with her lover. She could feel her gently rocking her hips up into her own, but she would never give her more than that. At least not yet._

_After what felt like an eternity to the girl on the bed, Jamie tossed her shirt to the floor, now only leaving a lacey black bra between Dani’s gaze and her lover’s body, which at this point she was sure she needed more than air._

_Jamie positioned herself above Dani’s form, bringing her lips to her ear once again._

_“I think things are a bit unbalanced here,” the brunette whispered as she teased the bottom of the au pair’s shirt, “don’t you think so, love?”_

_As if she were waiting for a cue, Dani repositioned herself further back on the bed, pulling her shirt over her head in one swift motion. Jamie made quick work of her girlfriend’s jeans, sliding them down her legs along with her underwear and throwing them into the pile along with their other long-forgotten clothes. When Jamie looked up at her handiwork, she noticed that her girlfriend hadn’t even been wearing a bra._

_Despite her urge to continue, she took a moment to look over the girl below her. Her eyes were dark and needy, face flushed, lips tender, and chest moving up and down shallowly. She thought this situation couldn’t get any better when suddenly the blonde spoke up._

_“Jamie… please.”_

_The plea was more than enough to send Jamie into a frenzy as she crashed their lips together, pinning both of Dani’s hands above her head. She slowly worked her way downward, soothing the previously left bruises with hot kisses, quickly earning herself needy whimpers from the blonde, only encouraging her further._

_Jamie eventually reached those perfect breasts, teasing the left with her tongue and letting go of Dani’s right hand to play with the other. Soon they were both as worked up as they had been before, Dani’s breathing getting quicker and moans getting more and more desperate. Eventually the brunette switched sides and let go of her left hand, using her right to move further south. She ran her hand along the length of her lover, immediately feeling her hips buck up at the sensation._

_Jamie chuckled, making small, teasing circles around Dani’s clit before removing her mouth from her chest and moving back up to her ear._

_“What do you want, Poppins?”_

_The girl moaned beneath her at the question, rocking her hips up into Jamie’s hand, searching for any relief. Normally Jamie would make her use her words, maybe even make her beg a little bit. But tonight she was feeling gracious._

_Jamie left one last lingering kiss on the au pair’s lips before travelling down over her hips, tongue flicking out to replace her fingers on her clit. The reaction from Dani was immediate, hearing her moan her girlfriend’s name among a string of unfiltered curses. She moved in time with the rocking of Dani’s hips, letting her grab a hold of her hair and pull her in deeper._

_Soon her hand joined in where Dani needed it most, teasing her entrance with just the tip of her index finger as she kept working on her clit._

_“Please, Jamie, fuck-”_

_As if waiting for permission, Jamie gave her exactly what she wanted, entering her lover with two long, slender fingers. She pulled back just slightly to watch her girlfriend arch her back at the new source of pleasure, using a slow pace at first to allow her to adjust and speeding up as her hips moved more and more frantically._

_To Jamie, one of the sweetest highs came from watching as Dani got built up. It was her drug, watching her hips rocking and bucking desperately into her fingers, knowing that she was the one making her feel this way, and only her._

_The brunette could tell that Dani was getting close to her breaking point as the hand in her hair gripped it so hard she thought she might rip some out, and her high pitched moans began to borderline on screams of pleasure. She looked up at her girlfriend, making eye contact as she fell over the edge._

_Dani made a sound that could only be described as heavenly by the gardener, her back arching up off the bed while her hips bucked wildly into her lover’s hand. Jamie slowed down enough to let her ride out her high, then moving back up to lie next to her girlfriend as she caught her breath._

_“You alright, Poppins?”_

_The girl laughed, making Jamie’s heart flutter._

_“A little more than alright, yeah.”_

_Jamie moved closer, pulling her girlfriend in for a kiss, one that was a bit more tender. She draped an arm over her waist as they began to mold into the bed, both of them being too tired to not get some sleep at this point. But the more they laid there, the more Jamie could tell that Dani had something on her mind as she stared off into space._

_“Penny for your thoughts?”_

_Dani contemplated for a moment, letting her thumb brush Jamie’s hand._

_“Sometimes I wonder if she loved someone, too.”_

_Jamie turned to her lover, questionably raising an eyebrow. The au pair continued to stare off into her own world._

_“The lady of the lake, I mean,” she shook her head, “Maybe the reason she felt angry was because she missed someone,”_

_“Dani-”_

_“But lately, I don’t know, she seems calm, almost. Maybe if I can feel her, maybe she can feel me too, you know?”_

_The brunette just stared at her lover as she rambled on, not sure where she was going with the conversation. They didn’t talk about Bly often, let alone the lady of the lake; in fact, it was a topic they often avoided. Neither one of them wanted to think about the end or discuss what would happen after Dani was gone._

_“Isn’t that what compassion is?” The au pair turned to meet Jamie’s gaze, “If she can feel how much I want- how much I_ need _to stay with you- maybe she decided not to take me after all.”_

_Suddenly the concern in Jamie’s chest turned to a feeling of surrealness. Something about this_

_conversation wasn’t clicking; something wasn’t right. It felt like her girlfriend was lying for some reason, except she wasn’t, because they’d had this conversation before. She took a moment to process it before she pieced the evidence together. The 1980 pinot noir, a gift they’d gotten from Owen the first time they visited Paris; the hopeful glimmer in Dani’s eyes, free from the pain that Jamie had grown used to seeing; and last, but certainly not least, she was still here. Dani was still here._

_“This isn’t real.” Jamie forced out shakily, voice barely above a whisper._

_Dani tilted her head at the three words._

_“What do you mean?”_

_The gardener shut her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks and onto the soft sheets of their bed. This wasn’t real, because this was a memory. It was one of her most fond, at that. It was the time where any remaining doubts she had about their relationship- any hesitancy about what the future held for them- suddenly vanished at the au pair’s words. The worst part about it was that at the time, she’d fully believed her girlfriend’s confession. She’d pictured the decades ahead of the couple and what might become of them in the most naive, hopeful way she could._

_But still, Jamie couldn’t help but move her hand upwards, cupping Dani’s face in her hand. She let her thumb caress the soft skin of her cheek, cherishing each moment that she got to spend with her lover, even if she was just a ghost making her debut in the gardener’s most treasured memories. The brunette leaned forward, gently pulling Dani in for a brief, tender kiss. After a sweet moment she forced herself to pull away, leaning their heads together as tears continued to leave hot trails down her face._

_“You’re already gone, Poppins.”_

_As if she’d muttered a magic word, the contours of the au pair’s face began to melt away with the room, leaving behind total darkness. Jamie found herself reaching out for her wife into nothing, desperately calling her name and pleading for her to come back. She screamed into the dark until her voice grew raspy and tired, and didn’t stop until-_

“Dani!”

The gardener shot up, heart racing and skin blanketed in a thin layer of sweat. She looked around frantically, searching for the eyes of her beautiful wife, the one that had just been in her grasp. But her cry was met with silence- instead there was only the same dead, empty apartment that had been there when she fell asleep.

As she took in her surroundings she couldn’t help but land her eyes on the dark-red spot that stained the opposite arm of the couch. Tears blurred her vision for the third time that night at the bitter memory, and for the first time since the lake she finally let herself feel everything.

She let herself feel the sorrow; the loneliness; the anger, and everything in-between. It was the most pain she’d ever felt in her life- the very thing she’d worked so hard to avoid ever since she was a child. But at the same time she _wanted_ to feel it. She wanted to cry and scream and beg whoever the fuck created this world for her best friend back, even though she didn’t believe in anything to begin with. And that’s what she did, even though she knew nothing she said would be heard, let alone bring her back. When the exhaustion from her strained cries began to set back in, Jamie found that she couldn’t bring herself to move to the bedroom. She couldn’t deal with everything associated with it, at least not right then. 

Instead the gardener stood up, and without knowing why she was doing it, moved towards the front door. Her shaky hand reached out to turn the doorknob, turning it slowly before pulling it open just a crack. For a split moment she imagined the au pair pushing the unlocked door open, letting herself in and curling up next to her on the couch. It was a lost hope, but it was the only hope she had. 

And so she settled down on the couch with enough space for her wife, staring at the cracked door until her eyelids got too heavy to keep open.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first Damie fic. I'm not really sure if I'm going to make this a series, but I kinda want to, so let me know your thoughts. Also btw this was just meant to be pure angst but somehow turned into smut so I hope that's alright with you guys. If you haven't already, check me out on tumblr (@dilliebar), I post more info on fics and just a lotta gay shit. Thanks so much for reading!


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